


an ode to the boy i love

by ShipperTrash140109



Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV)
Genre: Anal Sex, College, First Time, Former Charlie St. George/Alex Standall, Happy Ending, M/M, Making Up, Other characters are mentioned in passing, Post-Canon Fix-It, Tags Are Hard, Topping from the Bottom, but dw i got rid of that :), this turned out way longer than expected
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-13
Updated: 2020-06-13
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:49:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24697102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShipperTrash140109/pseuds/ShipperTrash140109
Summary: Winston’s considering leaving the party when he spots him- brown hair and pale skin and blue eyes, and Winston swears he feels his heart stop. A part of him wants to melt back into the throng, to clutch painful memories to his chest and tell himself it was all for the better, but another part of him wants to tempt fate and speak up, and that part just so happens to be the part of him that does the talking.
Relationships: Alex Standall/Winston Williams
Comments: 11
Kudos: 114





	an ode to the boy i love

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MissieLucky](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissieLucky/gifts), [teletitties](https://archiveofourown.org/users/teletitties/gifts).



> hello once again, welcome to my cave where i cry about winston and all his lost loves. a couple people requested some more of these boys, and i myself felt obliged to contribute to our little fandom (especially in the realm of smut), so here's some walex content. the ending is dodgy but that's just because i'm bad at writing endings, sorry.  
> be sure to leave a kudos and a comment if you're feeling extra kind.  
> also warning, i am australian and therefore have no clue how the american college system works :))  
> title is from 'Animal' by Troye Sivan, whom i listened to a lot whilst writing this

Winston’s considering leaving the party when he spots him- brown hair and pale skin and blue eyes, and Winston swears he feels his heart stop. A part of him wants to melt back into the throng, to clutch painful memories to his chest and tell himself it was all for the better, but another part of him wants to tempt fate and speak up, and that part just so happens to be the part of him that does the talking.

“Alex!” Winston called out, his voice strong and loud despite the fluttering that was steadily building inside his chest, threatening to worm its way up his throat. How had he been here for months now without realising Alex goddamn Standall was attending the same college? To think he was considering missing this party to instead sit in his dorm and feel sorry for himself.

Upon seeing Winston, Alex adopted the sort of look you’d see on a deer caught in the headlights- all wide-eyed and open-mouthed, before a corner of his mouth curled up and he excused himself from the group he’d been talking amongst, making his way through the other party-goers until there they stood, face-to-face. “Winston? Holy shit, you go to Berkeley?” he asked, looking over the other man’s face like he was trying to find something wrong with him, like he was an imposter or something.

“Yeah- Princeton doesn’t really take kindly to the word ‘expelled’” he explained, looking over Alex unlike how the brunet was looking over him. It felt kind of unreal to be talking to him again, considering after their conversation outside Monet’s he thought he’d likely never see him again. The fact that his closure had just been turned on its head left feelings that had ebbed with time come crawling back in.

Alex perked at this, voice cheery like it only was with the assistance of booze, “oh shit yeah! That sucks, missing out on an ivy-league like that” Alex started, before he stopped, furrowing his brow like there was a bad taste in his mouth, “sorry, I’m kinda buzzed- Jess has been slinging drinks at me since I got here.”

Winston chuckles, the pain over Princeton was long gone, especially considering getting barred from the university had opened up his own life for him, seeing as his parents pretty much gave up on managing him after all that. It was a good thing, and he was settled on that. “Jess is here too? Jesus, this place hiding anyone else? Charlie hiding under that lampshade over there or something?” he chuckled, pressing the rim of his cup to his mouth and taking a long mouthful of the cheap beer he’d grabbed upon principal when he’d first walked through the door.

Alex looked slightly shocked for a moment before coming back to himself, flashing his teeth in an easy smile as he spoke up again, “yeah, it’s really cool to have her around still, especially after everything we’ve had to deal with together,” he explained, and Winston felt his heart give a little thud at the way Alex pointedly ignored the Charlie part of his question- what had happened? He decided to compartmentalise that detail for later.

“We should go have lunch or something sometime, it’s been a while,” Winston suggested, the buzz and the Charlie detail making him feel confidant, unstoppable.

Alex didn’t hesitate, even with his cup still at his mouth when Winston proposed the hangout, “that would be great! Just make sure you text me tomorrow to remind me because I’m kind of hammered and I might forget” he pointed out, again bringing his cup to his lips and seemingly finishing off whatever had been in it.

Winston nodded, a smile working its way onto his face, and for a moment neither of them spoke, the familiar, easy feeling of something warm and fuzzy hovering in the space between them. In truth? He’d missed Alex, badly, he’d blamed himself for how it all ended, hated Alex briefly for how quickly he moved on, how quickly he’d seemingly given up on the idea of them getting back together, but most of all he’d missed _him_ \- and now not weeks after he’d resigned himself to just dropping it all together, here was Alex. Here was Alex stumbling back into his life with his blue eyes and infectious smile and alcohol-reddened cheeks, Winston didn’t stand a chance, really.

Their moment is broken by a distant shouting of Alex’s name, the brunet quickly perking up and turning almost wildly enough that Winston feared he might stumble and fall over. Before he went off to find the source of the shouting he looked behind him at the dark-haired man, “sorry- that’s Jess, text me” he stammered, and just like that he was off again. Winston stood there completely still until Alex rounded a corner and fell out of sight.

With nobody to talk to and a cup that was edging onto empty, Winston felt himself making his way through the dorm towards the front door, shouldering past multiple inebriated first years and sophomores until he burst free from the hot air of the dorm. He leant against the wall of the hallway for a moment, catching his breath and trying to process how the hell he’d just found Alex Standall in that mess but not anywhere else on campus for the months he’d been here. After a few long moments he straightened up, sighing, he supposed it was both the best stroke of dumb luck and the worst stroke of bad luck he’d ever had.

* * *

“Thanks for meeting me today- I know your head must be kicking your ass, you were going pretty hard last night by the looks” Winston hums as he sits in the seat across from the one Alex has already collapsed into. He looked a little rough, having woken up at 1 in the afternoon and then gone out for an afternoon tea with Winston at 2- Winston had insisted they could save it for later but Alex had been insistent that he was fine, so here they were.

“It is kicking my ass a little bit- but this place has coffee that has staved off the desire to cut my head off many times already, so we should be fine,” Alex chuckled, grimacing at the movement but forcing a smile anyway. “Thanks for reminding me we even _spoke_ about hanging out, would’ve probably forgot otherwise,” he added on, shuffling in his seat until he was comfortable enough to sit still.

“It’s fine- I still can’t believe we ended up at the same college but I found you at a _party_ of all places- where’ve you been man?” he asked, trying not to stare at the hand Alex had palm-down atop the table, it made him tempted to grab and squeeze like he once could’ve.

“Yeah, that’s weird, I figured Jess and I get around enough that I’d meet pretty much everyone there is to meet, but I guess I was wrong… I’m in the studio apartments in Cottage Place, maybe we might not have many chances if you’re down in Sussex House” Alex pointed out, looking over to their waiter, who was currently delivering some food and drinks to another table near them, he looked like he could really use that coffee.

Winston rolled his eyes, but the smile sitting on his face took the bite out of it “I’m in Cottage Place too, that’s actually bullshit” Winston chuckled, sitting back in his seat and staring at Alex, head shaking in disbelief. He changed the subject quickly, voice dropping an octave and lingering on the side of cautious, “so… how’re things with you and that Charlie guy- I asked you last night but I think you didn’t hear me over all the background noise,” he asked carefully. He knew it was nosy to ask about it, but Alex had definitely heard him last night, and he couldn’t keep ignoring the curiosity tugging at him, begging him to ask the question of the hour.

Alex sighed, looking up at the ceiling for a moment before pressing his lips together, shrugging “I ended up breaking up with him not long after graduation, I kind of realised I was more going out with him for his own sake rather than my own, so I had to call it quits. He was nice about it, of course, but that just made it worse,” Alex explained, tone disinterested and sounding eager to escape the topic. “What about you and Ryan? He seemed rather interested after graduation.”

Winston laughed, which thankfully put a smile back on Alex’s face, “yeah we hung out,” Winston clarified, smirking like there was so much more to say, practically daring Alex to pry.

They stared each other down a moment, before Alex put on a mock glare that Winston happily returned, “you ‘hung out?’”

Winston nodded, “yes, we ‘hung out,’” he started, pausing for a moment like that was all he had to say, before he chuckled, “the man’s an animal in bed.”

Alex laughed, shaking his head and wiping at his eyes like he was trying to erase the very thought of his old classmate in that light, “fuck off- you got to hear my whole sob story and I can’t even get a brief summary?”

“’We hung out’ is a brief summary!” Winston shot back as their drinks were placed down in front of him, Alex mumbling a ‘wait’ as he took a much desired drink from his cup, almost honest to god _moaning_ , by the looks, at the beverage.

“C’mon, stop being cryptic, I dragged my hungover ass out of bed _just for you_ and now you’re stifling our easy banter and gossip about boys!” Alex accused, but all Winston could hear was the ‘just for you’ echoing in his head, it made his heart flutter and he had to swallow around a giddy lump that had formed in his throat.

“That’s really it- we went out like, twice before he had to go and I haven’t really seen anyone since, the gay dating pool out here is shockingly underwhelming,” Winston sighed, taking a sip from his drink- he hadn’t ordered from here before, but evidence thus far suggested he should remedy that.

Alex hummed excitedly as he took another drink from his cup, voice relieved once he swallowed and put the cup down, “right?” he spluttered, “I was like, so into girls up until last year when I realised, ‘hey, guys are neat too’ but now that I’m actively looking there’s seriously nothing here. Don’t get me wrong, still like girls, but I want to fully explore the ‘I like guys’ thing right now,” Alex was so full of life, even when they were together he was so weighed down by secrets and highschool bullshit and the weight of the world, but now he’s like a new man, free from the things that once burdened him. It looks good on him, almost painfully so.

They drink their drinks and then order more, talking about majors and dumb shit their friends had done and how great it was to be finally in college. Winston knew he was only making it worse for himself- talking to Alex like old friends and feeling that stupid crush slowly dig its way further and further under his ribcage until it could bury itself into his heart once again, but he couldn’t stop.

Couldn’t stop before he said something stupid.

“So…” he started, staring down at his napkin, picking at the fibres and trying not to notice the heat of Alex’s stare on him, “do you think we could’ve ever… gotten back together? If you and Charlie hadn’t started going out?” he asked, cursing the wobble in his voice and cursing how much it intimidated him to finally look up and make eye contact with Alex, who was still staring at him, face unreadable.

Alex was silent for a long time, thinking over Winston’s words and picking them apart inside his brain before finally, the corner of his mouth quirked, an easy chuckle shaking him once, he looked down at the table between them before he looked at Winston, the quirk turning into a smile- a smile that made Winston’s heart clench. “Yeah,” Alex whispered, so quietly that Winston thought he might’ve misheard until Alex clarified, “I think we could’ve…” he trailed off, swallowing so thickly that Winston was surprised he couldn’t hear the click of the other man’s throat in the silence that had fallen over their table. “I met up with Zach before I started my year here and he told me that you said you loved me during that fucked up drill,” Alex looked nervous, like Zach airing Winston’s admittance of love to the subject of his love was ‘over the line’ or something like that.

“I do.”

“Sounds like you’re proposing to me.”

“Proposing that we give ourselves another chance? Yes.”

Alex’s eyes look watery- Winston wonders if the backs of Alex’s eyes are stinging as much as his are, his chest feels too tight around his lungs, trying to discretely suck in lungful’s of air to combat the suffocating feeling of being so honest to the man he’d fallen in love with and hadn’t been able to get over since. Alex looks down into his cup, nodding to himself, when he talks his voice is still quiet, but his eyes are glittering and his pink lips are stretched in a thankful smile, “I accept your proposal.”

* * *

It was strange, those first few weeks after they fell back into their former relationship, Alex was so warm, so energetic now, it was like growing accustomed to a whole new person, a new person that he’d seen only glimpses of when they’d been together back in Evergreen. Winston had quickly found out that, not only were they living in the same building, but his room was on the floor directly under Alex’s- further cementing their abilities to unknowingly avoid each other, it was a little embarrassing if Winston was honest with himself.

What was not embarrassing, however, was finally being able to wake up beside Alex, to flaunt their relationship in public like he hadn’t been able to do with any of his past boyfriends (Alex included). He felt like Berkeley was at last feeling like the right place for him- a home away from home like all the brochures and staff try to pawn it off as.

Winston figured his roommate would’ve started hating him if he didn’t have his own girlfriend to sleep over with- Winston and Alex were sleeping over in each other’s dorms more often than not. Alex wasn’t as lucky, his roommate often sighing and rolling his eyes with open annoyance every time he opened the door to see Winston standing in the hall asking after the brunet.

Which is why Alex and Winston are currently leaping down the stairwell two stairs at a time on their way to Winston’s dorm half naked and giggling like hyena’s, Alex barely just managing not to fall headfirst down the stairs with his bad leg. They’d been making out in Alex’s room, squished into Alex’s bed that was clearly made for one, rolling around and whispering complete bullshit to each other when the door had opened, and Alex’s roommate came strolling in. He was quick to demand they get a room, and upon clarification that they indeed had a room before he showed up, he pegged a shoe at the couple, the object nailing Winston in his ass, his pants doing little to dull the impact. It made for enough of a kick in the ass (literally) to get them both moving out of the dorm and down the stairs.

“Is your ass okay?” Alex asked with a barely concealed giggle as Winston digs his keys out of his pocket to unlock the door to their room- his roommate was at some party and would be held up there for at least a few more hours, the only reason they’d even been in Alex’s room was because his roomie was _also_ supposed to be caught up at that party.

“My ass is fine, endured worse I assure you” Winston teases, before finally the door gives, and the pair are stumbling into the room. Alex’s hands are soft against the naked skin of Winston’s waist, pulling him in until their mouths meet in an even softer kiss. Winston has always loved how Alex kisses, gentle and yet so needy and insistent, it drove Winston goddamn _crazy_.

“Has it? and what might worse be?” Alex pressed, a devious glint in his eyes as Winston turns them before pushing Alex down onto his mattress.

There’s a smirk on Winston’s face now too, “dicks the likes of which you’ve never seen, pretty boy.”

Alex laughs at that, an incredulous expression twisting his features, “pretty boy? _I’m_ the pretty one in this relationship?”

Winston rolls his eyes as he deposits himself onto Alex’s lap, the brunet wriggling them up the bed until his legs aren’t dangling off the edge of the mattress. “Of course you’re the pretty one” Winston starts, pressing a lingering kiss to Alex’s mouth that the other man chases once Winston pulls away, “you’ve got those pretty blue eyes,” he presses another kiss to Alex’s temple, “you’ve got pretty brown hair,” a kiss to his forehead, “you’ve got pretty cheekbones” a kiss to his cheek, “and you’ve got those pretty pink lips,” and finally a kiss to said lips.

Alex laid back on the mattress, pulling Winston with him, the man digging his knees into the bed where his legs bracket the brunet’s hips, they’ve fallen back into another languid, rhythmic kiss when Alex suddenly breaks their lips apart. “I want to have sex with you- I want you to be my first- my first guy, I mean” he states abruptly, looking mildly wild-eyed as he talks, “only if you want to as well- I’d really like to… I’m ready whenever you are” he adds on, cheeks flushing bright red, _he looks gorgeous._

Winston opens and closes his mouth a couple times, before a grin breaks out on his face, nodding eagerly, “I’d love that… I’m ready- are you sure? we can wa”

“I’m sure” Alex looked as serious as a heart attack and Winston could _feel_ how serious he was against the inside of his thigh. Winston smiled down at him, let his fingers card through the soft strands of Alex’s hair, watching the other man’s face as he presses down against Alex’s lap, feeling his own cheeks warm at the sound his boyfriend made, how could he be so lucky?

Winston leant down to kiss him again, stroking a hand up over his cheek, thumb dragging over the jut of his cheekbone, “how do you want me?” he whispered against Alex’s lips, and his only immediate answer was a poorly hidden moan from the man underneath him, his hands squeezing at the flesh on Winston’s hips.

“Like this- I want you like this… I would offer to, y’know…” Alex let a hand drop from Winston’s hip, moving it into the space between their chests and wiggling his fingers in a bad imitation of prepping, “but I think you’d probably be better at it than me.” It made Winston laugh, but he nodded and agreed anyway, reaching over to pull open his nightstand, grabbing around until his hands closed around the foil of a row of condoms, throwing them onto the bed before digging in again until he located the small bottle of lube, sitting all the way in the back of the draw, cruelly underused. “Why do you have so many?” Alex asked, ripping one free from the line, dropping it on his chest before reaching down between them to undo his pants and shove them down his legs as far as he could. It seemed the ridiculous number of condoms Winston had shoved into his nightstand was enough to momentarily wipe the nerves from his mind.

“Thought I might need them- everyone’s always kinda sold college as this continuous sex-filled booze cruise.”

“I don’t think they have.”

Winston glared at Alex, throwing his pants and underwear to the floor that he’d managed to awkwardly wriggle out of whilst explaining his condom situation to Alex. “Well…” he murmurs, before snatching the condom off of Alex’s chest, fingers quick to rip it open, “maybe you just weren’t asking the right people what college will be like,” he hums distractedly, before sliding the rubber down over Alex’s cock, which had been dripping precome ever since Winston took the rest of his clothes off, the brunet’s eyes roving all over the parts of Winston he’d only ever been able to imagine (beyond the few instances where they’d rubbed each other off in the complete darkness during their final year of high school).

Squeezing some lube out over the tips of his fingers, Winston quickly got to work- Alex had been right to let him take care of the preparation duties, now it would only take two minutes instead of twenty. He pressed his free hand into the pale planes of Alex’s chest for balance, watching Alex watch him- or watch his fingers, more like.

“I can’t believe I’m doing this” Alex breathed when Winston finally pulled his fingers out, wiping the lube remaining on his fingers against his bedsheets that he was going to wash anyway, thankfully. “If I’m too slow or too fast, tell me.”

“Don’t worry about me, Alex.” There was that same kind, selfless side of him that Winston had fallen so hard for. He could feel a coil of nervous excitement form in his stomach, they were finally doing this- he was finally able to do this for Alex. “You ready?” he asked, reaching down and wrapping a hand around Alex’s erection, smirking at the heady inhale from the man underneath him, who’s nodding eagerly and nervously squeezing at Winston’s thighs. “I want to hear you say it, Alex, c’mon” Alex’s cheeks flush an even darker red at the request, _he’s going to be the death of me._

“I’m ready, I’m ready to fuck you.”

“Fuck me? I thought this was an affair of the heart- I thought we were _making love_ ,” Winston still has his hand around Alex’s cock, and gives it a teasing squeeze that makes Alex dig his heels into the mattress.

“Jesus, Winston- I’m ready to make love, happy?” his voice is strained, no doubt due to the hand slowly running up and down his throbbing erection. When Winston chuckles and nods, mumbling an ‘alright’ under his breath as he rises up, positioning Alex’s cock at his entrance, the brunet looked about ready to cry in relief.

Sinking down onto his length, feeling Alex as close as humanely possible is the most addictive feeling Winston has ever come across, and by the time Alex has bottomed out, Winston can feel tears stinging his eyes, a contented sigh slipping from his lips. His hands run up the pale expanse of Alex’s chest until he can slip one up over the side of the other’s face, and press the thumb of the other into his chin, tilting Alex’s head as he leans in and claims the other man’s mouth in a kiss, losing himself in the feeling of being so full and kissing the man he loves.

When he finally sits back up and moves, he can’t help but let Alex’s name tumble from between his lips, rolling his hips against the other man’s cock and hearing the sounds he makes, feeling him brush up against that sweet spot inside of him is almost enough to get him to come right then and there. It’d been so long since he’d let someone else have him like this- make love to him like this, and to have it be Alex, the man he’d thought he’d completely lost, was almost poetically perfect.

“Oh my god- oh shit” Alex breathed, blunt nails biting the skin of Winston’s thighs as he thrusts up into him, squeezing with every roll of Winston’s hips. Alex looked perfect like this, pink lips open in a heavy pant, cheeks flushed, eyes squeezed together in pleasure, he was _flawless_.

Winston let his head fall back, eyes closing and mouth opening to pull in a lungful of the stuffy dorm room air, focusing on the roll of his hips, the press of Alex’s fingers into his skin, the sounds he made every time Winston sunk down. He could feel the pressure start to build inside his pelvis, in his balls, and he wasn’t shocked to realise he wouldn’t last much longer, and neither would Alex if the way he pulled Winston down against him that much harder, that much needier, was any indication.

“You c-close?” Alex asked, voice strangled by his own pleasure, that pretty shade of pink on his face crawling its way down his chest, ending just past the bottom of his ribcage.

“Yeah, so close” Winston moans, biting down on his bottom lip so he doesn’t make the whole floor aware of what’s going on in his room, he can feel his thighs start to ache as he bounces against Alex, but there’s no chance he’s stopping yet, not when he can feel the pressure build to almost its climax. He’s teetering on the edge of his peak and by the time Alex wraps his hand around Winston’s cock, all it takes is a few erratic pumps before he’s crying out, unable to stifle the sound as he comes over Alex’s hand and stomach, and he swears he can see stars when he blinks.

Alex has come too- pushed over the edge by the feeling of Winston clenching around him as the dark-haired man climaxed- and he looks perfectly wiped out as Winston gingerly slides off of his lap, collapsing beside him. The room is silent apart from their breathing, and when Winston looks to Alex, the brunet has his eyes set on the ceiling, looking a little bit mind-blown if he’s completely honest.

“You okay?” Winston can’t help but smirk, rolling onto his side, sliding a hand over Alex’s chest and down his side until it rests on his waist.

Alex is nodding, “yeah- yeah I’m great” he answers, before his head turns, looking over Winston’s face, “you were great.”

Winston feels himself blush, chuckling to himself, “thank you for trusting me enough to do that with you” he murmured, craning his neck up to press a kiss to Alex’s cheek.

“I’m glad it was with you… thanks for being willing to give us another chance” Alex leant into the kiss easily, returning the favour to the man next to him.

Alex disappeared briefly to clean himself up and dispose of the condom, leaving Winston to catch his breath- he felt sated ant content, and couldn’t fight down the fuzzy, warm feeling that entered his chest as he watched Alex reapproach the bed, left leg still lagging behind as he walks, but otherwise practically bouncing.

Alex sat back down on the mattress, staring at something on the nightstand, “so uh, when does your roommate usually get pack from parties?”

Winston hummed, thinking about it a moment before squinting over at the clock that he could barely see in the dim light of the room, “probably not a couple hours, at least, why?”

“Because” there’s a quiet crinkling, and then there’s that damn line of condoms being dropped onto his chest, “figured these are doing no good sitting in your drawer- _and_ I heard from someone that college is supposed to be a sex-filled booze cruise.”

“Come here then.”

**Author's Note:**

> again, be sure to drop a kudos and/or a comment! thank you for reading!


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